Hi i'm a girl and i'm trying to figure out which monologue to do for my audition into the school play. All three are funny but im not sure which to do. Here they are---1)LOVE PILLThere it is again. That feeling. (clutches stomach) That shaky, quaky feeling. It washes all over me every time I see him. Every time I talk to him. Every time I even think of him! When he calls ... when he sends me flowers-oh, hey, did you see them? (She gestures.) Aren't they beautiful? He sent me those yesterday, and those-(Gestures to yet another spot.)-he sent me those last Monday! Even though they're dying, I can't bear to throw them out because every time I look at them--(clutches stomach.)- I get all woozy. You know what I mean? Oh, come on, Rhonda, you've been in love more than anybody else I know! You must've felt this way, lots of times! See, I know I'm in love 'cause I get all weak in the knees and I fill all up inside with butterflies. But, see, that's the problem. I mean, I just love being in love. I love thinking about him. I love talking to him on the phone-you should see last month's phone bill!-But every time I think of him, or every time I talk to him I first get all shaky and then I get weak ... and then I get queasy...I have to….nevermind… I wish they'd invent a pill, y'know? A pill to fix this. A Love Pill! To settle your stomach when you think about, or talk to the Person You Love. (Clutches stomach again.) Ugh. Here we go again. I'd better to sit down until the thought of him passes. It's like, I want to tell him, "You make me sick, Charlie." But I have a feeling he'd take it the wrong way! 2)OK so my mom is ALWAYS bugging me about how all my friends are guys. Well whats wrong with guy friends? i don't think it is against the law. It seems to be in her world. I have every right to hang out with who ever i think is nice... or cute! And then she has the nerve to ask me why i don't want to be in girl scouts i thought the answer was simple there is no BOYS in GIRL scouts duh. So i wanted to join boy scouts. My friends were all for it! But then there was this guy named scout master who says im not allowed. Isn't that discrimination? so i went to go see this scout master. I all most died laughing he is this little man in little shorts.... o and I changed my mind and insisted to join the ARMY! but my mom said no i don't think she is very patriotic.3)You won't believe what just happened to me! I'm getting off the bus and this guy comes up to me and says, "Hi there. You got a minute?" I say, "Sorry, I don't have any money," and I start to walk away. He scurries up beside me and goes, "Wait! I don't need any money. Actually I'm on my way to Crobar. It's fetish night." I pick up my pace. Then he runs infront of me, blocking my path and says, "Look, I don't mean to bug you and I'm not going to hurt you. It's just that I couldn't help but notice your beautiful feet in those sandals. I'll give you ten dollars if you let me smell them for just thirty seconds." You should have seen his face! The guy was dead serious! (Beat.) Of course I didn't! Are you kidding? (Beat.) I made him give me twenty.Which is your favorite and why? Thanks!!
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