Open Question: Why do I feel sad after breaking up, despite I wanted to?

[feedcrawler]

I m 34 yr old man, I was engaged to a 28yr old girl of my dreams. for a whole year. what happened is that we went into treble arguments and disputes about our house and where should we have one. and despite the fact we were already settled after months of disputes we ended up by breaking up.. other angels of what happened need to be said to get the picture clear: 1- I have foot fetish. I didn't tell her, the problem is that she has weird toes shapes in her feet, which was a real turn off from my side. I never told her that no to break her feelings. but this turn off was working in my background thoughts and affecting the way I feel toward her 2- because being single for long time I have been addicted to porn websites and cyber chatting. I tried to put that off after getting engaged. however I wasn't able too. I was addicted to the level I may cancel a date with her in order to continue masturbating on porn..!!! and this happened a lot.. 3- for a reason I don't know my attraction to her cooled down . I don't know why. but I just felt that every other girl is more attractive than her... now I feel depressed and don't want any girl 4- I started to feel her boring.. didn't enjoy spending time with her.. sometimes I felt I was pretending all the time.. I just don't understand why I feel so sad now. when she said she wants to break up with me.. I pretended to be sad.. but inside I felt like that was what I want.. however now after I got my ring back and everything is officially over I feel sooooooo sad and depressed... I cant analyze that and know why?>> I want that.. now I feel guilt, sadness, I feel I will never be with another girl again.. what is that?

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