Open Question: What can I do to turn my life around?

[feedcrawler]

So basically, I'm gonna kill myself over the summer if my life isn't any better by then. Saying "no, don't do it, you have so much to live for" isn't gonna help because none of you know me. I've been thinking about it pretty much every day for the last two years and I can't take this shit anymore. I'll make one last effort to turn things around and if it doesn't work, I'm done.Here are some of the many reasons why I decided on this:-I've struggled with acne since about the fifth grade (I'm a college sophomore). I use stuff from acne.org and take pills, which mostly keep it under control, but I have a lot of scars and red marks from past acne.-I've always had an unusually high hairline, but in the past year it started to get even worse. The back and sides of my hair are fine, but the top-front part is getting really thin. I wear a hat pretty much constantly because I'm so self-conscious about it.-I've struggled with shyness since about middle school. I'm finally starting to get over it and talk more but I still have problems with it sometimes.-Pretty much no experience with girls whatsoever. a lot of that is linked with the shyness and my low self-esteem because of how I look. I'm talking to girls a lot more since I became a little less shy, but still havent made any real accomplishments in that department.-I'm pretty short at about 5'7''. I'm about the same height as I was in fifth grade after I had my growth spurt. Aren't people supposed to grow some more between the ages of 11 and 20?-I'm on a varsity crew team but I'm probably the worst rower on the team. I don't know why. I do the practices, I do workouts outside of practice sometimes, I drink a lot of water, and I eat pretty healthy. It could be my height and weight (150 or so), but there are two guys lighter than me and one guy my height and they're all better rowers than I am.-I have ADD, I'm probably in the pre-stages of alc0holism, and I have two fetishes I'm not really proud of: feet and exhibitionism. (I don't know if they're actually full-blown fetishes but they're at least interests.)-My grades have pretty much hit the opposite of a plateau since sophomore year of high school (a valley, maybe). I got them up over 4.0 weighted at one point and now I'm down to about a B-/C+ average. I know I could do better but most of the time I just don't care. -I have friends in college but not as many close friends as I'd like to have. My closest friends by far are this group of guys I hung out with in high school. Seems like I should have made more close friends by my second year of college. My phone doesn't ring very often. It's like a lot of people will seem to enjoy hanging out with me when they run into me somewhere, but not enough to go out of their way to hang out with me.-I try to be funny, and that's one of the compliments I get most often, but there have been times where I felt like a one-trick pony. Like, some people only expect me to make jokes and don't listen when i say something serious for a change.-I went through rush week at my private college. In a nutshell: I thought I was going to get picked by this one frat because it was the smallest frat on campus and I knew a few high-ranking members. I also met a bunch of other people in the frat and got the impression they liked me. I didn't get the 90% apporval necessary to get a bid though. I might not have even liked it, but the annoying thing is that I got rejected even when i was trying my hardest.-Reiterating things I said earlier, I have low confidence, low self-esteem, and I'm pretty self-conscious about a few things.-Probably the biggest reason I might end up killing myself, and it's a really stupid reason, is because of some girl. Right now, it's this girl I like in my floor. I'm friendly to her, I ask her how she is, I gave her this cheap, innocent little d0g keychain for valentine's day that I thought she'd like cuz she has a bunch of d0gs (probably a big mistake), and I try to give her compliments sometimes but also mix in some playful teasing. I think she figured out that I like her even though I never said I did and now it's like she ignores me most of the time. I wish I could go back and not give her that valentine's day thing cuz that's probably what messed things up.There are probably a few more things but I'll leave it at those. Sorry for boring you all with my worthless pathetic life. Any advice you have would be much appreciated.

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