Open Question: A little messed up emotionally and seeking advice?

[feedcrawler]

I'll try not to make this incredibly long. I'm gay and have been going out with my current boyfriend for little over a year, we are both 18 right now. We aren't really a "Typical Couple", we met online and he lives roughly 4 hours away from me, he also has a foot fetish. I accept his foot fetish and satisfy him there and I've spent so much money and time so far trying to make this relationship work. Traveling to see him as much as I can. I'm not going to lie, he was a rebound from my previous relationship, but when I started talking to him, we clicked. We aren't polar opposites, but we aren't the same either, we click. He is the only guy I've ever loved, but there is just one problem. Around six months into the relationship I found out he was cheating, Asked to trade FB passwords to become closer (IDK i was a senior in HighSchool and other couples did it) and saw not so flattering messages between him and other guys from the moment our relationship started. It was hardcore flirting with all of his guy friends, clearly they weren't going for him, but he was going for them. Do you think he thought I would see those messages or is he just not that smart? Seeing all of that tempted me to 'hack' his Yahoo Messanger (He uses the same password for everything) and saw more sexual messages between him and other guys he met on online "Foot Sites", trading pics and ect. He would even Cam with some of the guys and get off to each others feet. It hurt me deeply to see this, I felt like useless trash and confronted him. He claimed that he did it because he was insecure about himself, now its months later and I'm still emotionally distrought over this, trust was completely broken, but the trust has been building back up. However, ocassionally (Late at night when I can't slepp) I think about him cheating and it makes me cry and question if anything he has told me is actually cannon. I guess a big portion of me not leaving, is due to how much work (Time, money, emotions) I've put into this relationship and how much I love him. He assures me that he loves me and that it would never happen again, but again, sometimes I question him. In an effort to see how much he cares for me, I told him that I wasn't coming to see him anymore and to continue with this relationship he would have to contribute and come see me. He is planning on coming to see me in June for two weeks (bought the Amtrak Tickets) and he also has made it known that he want's to have sex, but I don't know if I can go through with sex while I still feel unsure about him. We talk about our problems alot but it seems as though they never fully get resolved, you know? I just want outisde opinions from people. No bigots please, I really don't need that. Thank you Yahoo.

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