Hi. I am 15 and have always considered myself straight. I have had many crushes on girls and never had any abnormal feelings towards guys. A couple months ago, I saw a show that made me wonder if I was gay? I sort of ruled that out because I have always liked girls, but never been able to get the courage to ask one out. I really like three right now. When I was younger, I had a real bad foot fetish and me and my friend would take turns massaging each others foots (with socks on) and looking back on it, it was weird and gross. Last year, a kid who I was friends with at the time tricked me into letting him blow me. He told me that all guys do it to each other and it makes you cool. Mind you, my dad or mom never really explained puberty or sex, so it has been a real a figure it out as you go sort of thing. I felt nothing and nothing came out. In the middle, I started to catch on and left immediately and said to him "I'm out. I'm not gay." I felt creeped out and disgusted until I forgot about it. Several months later I saw this show that made me wonder and I can't stop worrying. I really don't want to be bi because that would ruin everything. I couldn't get married to a wife and couldn't have kids. Anyways, since then anytime I look at a guy I get freaked out and think "Oh crap, what if I'm attracted to him." The thought of marrying and sex with a man is gross and disgusting. By the way, I am really OCD. Then there's masturbation. I've quit doing it since about August. I still try to see if I'm aroused by a guy and I always get bored and move to a smoking hot girl. Overall, I really don't think I'm bi, but just writing this to get my thoughts together. What does everyone think? Anyway for me to forget about all this crap? One other thing: there is no way (bi or straight) I want to knowingly have sex or a relationship with a guy. One other thing is that I have grown up in a pro-gay house meaning that my parents would be completely fine with me no matter what orientation, but I, personally, really don't think I am, for I have never really been "attracted" to someone of the same sex. My story really seams bizarre, but I just don't have that "bi feeling" for any guy.
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